As Your Casket Closes

Today I had to let you go, once and for all,
I’ve had enough of you throwing all my love against the wall,
It’s true I love you still, but you have left me in the cold,
And all the silence has left me hurt, and now its growing old,
I cannot change the way you feel, or make you understand,
And it seems that now, at last, I haven’t a leg on which to stand,
I’ve tried to save what once was great, but you just disappeared,
And now I have to face the life, for far too long I’ve feared.

I’m stumbling over all your words, and things you made me feel,
But now I doubt that any of those things were even real,
How can you expect me to believe that you were sincere,
When you walk away, just like that, and leave me dying here,
It doesn’t make a lick of sense, and I really don’t know why,
You said the things you did, and then just grew some wings to fly,
Away from us and all we had, without even a sound,
It appears the love I wrapped you with, has now become unwound.

I tried my best to deal with things, as messed up as they were,
But every volcano full of rage, erupts eventually, for sure,
I cannot be kept in the shadows, when all I wanted for you was light,
But I can’t be the only one who fights for what is right,
I made my effort to fix it, and try to talk things through,
But you ignored me and left me broken, just like you always do,
I guess I never meant enough, despite the things you claimed,
And though I will have to walk away from this, I do so unashamed.

Because I know I loved you the best I could, no matter what you say,
And I hope you never live to regret the love you’ve thrown away,
I can’t deny I was frustrated, but only because I Loved you so much,
And instead of trying to understand it, you used it as a crutch,
I have no regrets, I gave it my all, and you can guarantee,
You’ll search for quite awhile to find a love as real as me,
As I turn my back as you have forced me to, I shed a tear as I depart,
But as your casket closes, so too does my heart.

Invest In Vain

Invest in me my love, and I will surely let you down,
I’ll make you feel like royalty, and then I’ll watch you drown,
For me you are a great escape, for all the things I need,
But in the end, I’ll go back to him, and leave you alone to bleed,
Invest in me my love, and I will break your heart,
I’ll come to you on my terms, and I’ll choose when we depart,
I know I’ve got you in my hands, it’s where I like you most,
But when you search for me, I’ll be invisible like a ghost.

I know you are in love with me, it fills my heart with glee,
But I cannot not leave my other life, it isn’t you… it’s me,
It’s not because I hate you, or because it isn’t real,
It’s because I fear to make a choice, and I’m too afraid to feel,
It’s true I love you, I hope you know, but try to understand,
I’ve got a million excuses why I cannot take your hand,
I’ll say the things you need to hear, to keep you close to me,
But in the end, I’ll disappoint you… it’s how it has to be.

Invest in me my love, and I will bring you to your knees,
I’ll fill your heart with love, and then I’ll kill it like disease,
I’ll put myself in all your thoughts, and make you wonder why,
I’ll withdraw from you when things get weird, and leave you there to cry,
I can’t have you like you want, but I have to let you know,
You give me far too much for me to ever let you go,
So invest in me my love, and let me make it clear,
As long as you'll let me need you… I surely will my dear…

The Fall

For all my life I've always found a way to mess things up,
I've always fought so hard for things I should've given up,
Forget the fact I'm stupid, and that nothing's as it seems,
I always find the path that takes me furthest from my dreams,
With every disappointment, and every lesson learned,
I wear the scars of misery, that clearly I have earned,
If you swim in the ocean of consequence where people let you down,
You'd best believe this ruthless world will gladly watch you drown,
I've always let my heart lead me, everywhere I've gone,
And despite the best intentions... the heartbreaks linger on,
And just when things get better, and my hope becomes reborn,
The storm clouds block the sunshine and my optimism's torn,
I put my faith in loving you... hoping I was right,
Yet somehow, instead I'm plunged into endless night,
The problem with the fact I let you build me up so tall,
Is that inevitably... I'll shatter when I fall.

Somnolent Whispers

In the wake of heartbreak I inevitably swoon,
Amidst the blinding shadows of the eclipsing moon,
Visceral and foreboding in my numb and transient mood,
Comatose as the fibers of my soul become unglued,
Silent are the echoes in the corners of the room,
Muffled is the heart that beats in the face of doom,
Unraveled and unbridled by my accepted demise,
I fall into my destiny, and slowly close my eyes,
Fractured by the many years of weight that I have carried,
Haunted by the emotions I have kept deep inside and buried,
Listless in my will to erase the memories of despair,
Submerged in misery as ravens fill the air,
Somnolent whispers are all this heart shall know,
Far, far too afraid of letting go,
For in the end the silence is the blood that keeps me alive,
Until the well runs dry and my will to live on dies.

The Calamitous Void

In the silence of sadness is an ever chilling wind,
Where the hand of death upon your shoulder rests,
Numbing the tissues and slaying the nerves,
Where reaching out leads to many regrets,
A lonely heart… a temple for dismay,
A broken one… a casket for the soul,
Buried deep in the dirt of consequence,
Eternally taking its treacherous toll.

In the silence of heartbreak is a viral hate,
A dissident of enormous proportions infested,
The murdering of a love once enjoyed,
Exhumed into a world of pain detested,
A lifeless smile… a mask of agony,
A heartless soul… a crown of thorns,
Into the shadows of tormenting screams,
This heart of blackness mourns.

In the silence of rejection is a tragic tale,
An affliction of disastrous destruction,
Eats away at the ventricles and veins of life,
Plunging the heart into an abyss of dysfunction
A scorned hope... a funeral hymn,

A dying dream... a fatal incision,

Into the calamitous void I stumble slow,
Until my expiration frees me from my prison.

Swan Song

They say ‘tis better to have loved, and lost, than never loved at all,
But that’s of little consolation when you’re burned and take the fall,
The quandary of the invested heart that is sadly turned away,
Is to try and heal itself amidst destruction and decay.

Forever rusted by the rains of change and chaotic twists of fate,
Befuddled in a misery compounded and fueled by hate,
As wretched as the weeping soul that howls in dismay,
Until the will to live that rests inside, withers itself away.

So insidious, the destruction to the nerve endings of hope,
Hanging, suffocating like a neck tangled in rope,
Battling with the feelings that now leave me so verbose,
The self-imposed hatred planted deep within me grows.

Perhaps I am too sensitive, and susceptible to pain,
And maybe my attempts to harden up are truly all in vain,
The way that I have learned to love has always been completely,
But it seems that doing so will soon take my soul away so sweetly.

They say ‘tis better to have loved, and lost, than never loved at all,
But that’s of little consolation when you’re burned and take the fall,
Especially days like today, when I lament all that’s gone wrong,
And every ounce of all I love will sing its final swan song... and be gone.

Live With It

My days of comforting you are through,
The only one who will pull you from this hell you're in is you,
I've dedicated endless time and every ounce of love to this,
And yet, in times of hardship, I'M the one that you dismiss,
I cannot keep on living in the shadows that you cast,
You fill my soul with water, and I'm drowning way too fast,
I'm tired of you needing space, and needing time to think,
The fact is, the next time you close me out I'll be gone before you blink,
I'm beyond pissed off and frustrated with your disappearing acts,
And all of your "I'm Sorry's" never justify the facts,
You leave me hanging on this cross gasping for the air,
And I'm through with being the sacrificial lamb of your dispair,
If you wish to change the course of your life, it has to start today,
Because the way you treat me like nothing is driving me away,
You'd best rethink and realize my love is real while I still give it,
If you don't I'll be fucking gone, and this life you choose, you'll live it.

Asphyxiated

It seems my lungs at last are seizing
Leaving me coughing, gagging and wheezing
Gasping for breath and begging for air
Turning dark blue like the ocean of despair
The blood in my veins is starting to crawl
As my brain starts to hemorrhage in the thick of it all
The chambers of my heart are starting to pound
As the light turns to black, I can’t hear a sound
Catharsis now is setting in
And a burning sensation is stinging my skin
My arm’s going numb, my balance is gone
My eyes start to water, I won’t see the dawn
My muscles all tighten and cramp up with pain
I reach for my throat, but I know its in vain,
For now it’s too late, I will never get loose,
As I hang from the ceiling doomed by this noose.

Suckerpunch

I step into the ring with you, holding heart in hands
And before the ref even rings the bell, your hard right hook lands,
It sends me reeling towards the ropes, and bloodies up my nose,
And then you’re back on top of me, delivering endless blows,
I stagger to my feet to try and counter all your shots,
But now my skin is stained with blood and the cuts are forming clots,
I’m woozy and off balance, and the lights are blinding my eyes,
I can see this fight will end soon, and spell my quick demise.

I try to fight back in defensiveness, to pull a will from within,
But just as the adrenaline starts to flow, another jab to the chin,
It seems I’m swinging aimlessly trying to hold on,
Until I finally realize, my will to win is gone,
I never had a chance in this, and the beating has worn me down,
I brought my heart to you, and now you’ve thrown it to the ground,
My love has been rescinded, and the lips that once kissed you, fat,
As I lie in a crumpled heap of pain, lifeless on the mat.

Requiem For The Heart

We are gathered here today, to say our last goodbye,
To a heart we all loved dearly, but in the end, had to die,
Far too tormented, and twisted with pain and constant hurt,
We lower it so slowly now, to its place beneath the dirt.

Today there shall be no eulogy, or words of remembrance to say,
For broken hearts do not need reminded of how they got that way,
Instead we’ll simply bow our heads, silently in prayer,
And lay black roses full of thorns in memorial of its despair.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, the church bells ring as tears,
And fill the sky with a funeral hymn, reflecting on the years,
There shall be no stone or monument, to clearly mark the place,
Where this heart now lies forever, like a name without a face.

There shall be no wake… no celebration of the life it once had,
All that remains are memories, that leave our hearts so sad,
Everyone keeps telling me, as time passes I’ll be fine,
But the problem is, the heart we laid to rest today… was mine.

Push Me, Pull Me

I love the way you pull me, deep into your heart,
I love the way you draw me in and make my engine start,
I love the way you call to me, with longing in your eyes
I love the way you kiss me, and give me butterflies,
I love the way you hold me, and set my skin on fire,
I love the way you look at me, eyes full of desire,
I love the way you speak to me, without making a sound,
I love the way you pull me, it makes my heart pound.

I hate the way you push me, push me far away,
I hate the way you disappear from me, and leave me in dismay,
I hate the way you punish me, for things others have done,
I hate the way you hurt me, and leave me all undone,
I hate the way you leave me, lying helpless on the floor,
I hate the way you deny me, and Ill never know what for,
I hate the way you avoid me, like I’ve done something so wrong,
I hate the way you push me, the end... it wont be long.

Closing The Door

In a perfect world it wouldn't be this way
But a perfect world wouldn't lead me so astray
I hated the idea of losing something true
Until I realized, that something... wasn't you
I conjured up a person I wanted to see
Someone I thought would want a life with me
But sadly, I deceived myself for sure
Believing in something that cannot be anymore
Souls meet for reasons they never know
But to stay together... together they must grow
Just as the broken heart in itself mourns
It's easy to love the rose, without its thorns...
As the flower blossoms, so too does it thirst
As a heart without a love shall wish to burst
Much as mine does now without a choice
Alone and silent... without a voice.
Moving on without you will be tough
As will accepting that I was never good enough
To earn your love I've done all that I ever thought I could
But that thud you heard...


That was me closing that door for good.

How?

How do I replace the damaged cells?
The ones you left me with deep inside
The scars and tears of emptiness and loss
The sadness and the pain I cannot hide.

How do I correct this vessel's course?
When all I've ever sailed towards was you
Through heavy rain and violent winds of hopelessness
On a path I knew would never get to you.

How do I remove you from my heart?
When getting you there has always been the goal
Now I feel the emptiness that fills where you once were
Like echoes in the dark corners of my soul.

How do I accept the devastation?
That the tornado of your love left in my heart
And come to terms with the inevitable pain
That my dreams of you and I are blown apart.

How do I erase the visions of you lying in my arms?
All the embraces that made my jumping heart beat still
As much as I would love to destroy my memories of you
The harsh truth is... I probably never will.

Shut It Down

Today was a turning point for me
I realized who I need to be, is me...
With wounded heart and apathy in hand
Its time to turn away and make a stand
I've been down... a lot... and now its time
To spin myself around amidst this rhyme
To face the fact that maybe I'm just lost
I need to find my way at any cost
Sometimes I wish that she would leave my head
Despite the fact thats just the thing I dread
Truth be known, she couldn't be the one
For if she were, by now we'd have begun
Walking away has always seemed like quitting
But I'm realizing now, that it's admitting
That what we want isn't always what we need
So perhaps it's time to cut her out, and bleed...
Suffice to say, it hurts... in fact, it kills...
But torturing myself only instills
A weakness in me that will surely make me drown
My heart is torn and now I'll shut it down.

Like Suicide

With this knife in hand, I take a final breath,
And inhale into my lungs the smell of death,
Without much hesitation... and a searing will to try,
To plunge the blade and kill what needs to die,
I've replayed the scene a million times by now,
As a homicidal sweat ebbs at my brow,
Tonight it will be done, as it must be,
This pleasurable crime shall set me free.
I've tried to conjure ways to avoid this path,
But the fact remains I'm far too full of wrath,
Too long denied and toyed around too much,
That the time has come to stab to rest this crutch,
Sometimes the soul must die to be reborn,
Especially one as mine that's become so torn,
There will be no somber note to spell the end,
Know, that I will be much stronger, when I return again.
But for now, inevitably, its time to die,
As the ravens let out one last piercing cry,
Into my heart I plunge the blade so true,
Its like suicide, except the person dying... is you.

Dying Inside

Look deep into my eyes,

See the pain, hear tortured cries,

Deeper still and you will realize,

I am not sleeping, I'm no longer alive.

My body is here but my soul is free,

Escaping from that which beckons to me,

Into a demention of the unknown,

Surrounded by others, but still so alone.

Fear not the melancholy crying of the gull,

To me it is merely a peaceful lull,

Elude the light, flee into night,

Tranquillity is within my sight.

Wasted time, and washed out days,

Crucial measures require desperate ways,

Speak the truth reveal not a lie,

I am fading fast and I wish to die.

This world holds nothing more for me,

An oblivion of pain and agony,

Amid the depths of my body bleed,

I have lost the will of that which to exceed.

Life just seems to be slipping away,

Declining expeditiously every day.

Although, death, I do not fear,

I do not cry, shed no single tear,

With welcome arms, I spread apart,

Wave a last goodbye, and then depart.

The love I hold, I will not forget,

Dear memories I cannot omit,

But I grow tired, and terribly weak,

The existing future looks eminently bleak.

My facades are phony, and a smile quite rare,

Reality seems too severe to bear,

Silent screams course through my veins,

I must secede while I still am sane.